How to Say Goodbye: Rituals of Farewell for a Renewed Journey
I recently came across an enlightening article called “It isn’t the Changes That Do You In” (Bridges, W. (2009). Ch. 1. It isn't the Changes That Do You In, Ch. 2. A Test Case. In Managing Transitions. Making the Most of Change (3rd ed., pp. 3-10, 11-20). Da Capo Press.) during my coaching course at UBC, which dove into the distinction between changes and transitions. It emphasized that change cannot happen without a transition, and interestingly, the transition initiates at the end. Specifically, it commences with the act of losing and letting go. Afterwards, individuals find themselves in a neutral zone, where they grapple with questions of self-identity and determining their next steps. Only after this phase does the new beginning emerge.
Extract adapted from William Bridges, Managing Transitions: Making The Most Of Change, Da Capo Press, 1991, 2003 with some personal reflections
This perspective has truly altered my thinking. In the past, whenever I encountered a situation needing change, my focus was on what lay ahead. Where would I live upon moving? What would I do? What resources would I require? I never truly practiced the art of letting go or comprehended the importance of closure. Through this article, I am now realizing the significance of this process. How do we manage the psychological losses incurred, and what kind of support do we need during these challenging times? What resources can aid us as we enter the neutral zone, where decisions about our future and the discovery of our current selves take place?
If only I had followed this framework for all the changes I experienced in the past. I am convinced it would have immensely helped me navigate my relationships and achieve mental clarity, thereby empowering me to move forward with confidence.
Instead, I have carried the weight of my past with me for years, both during my time in San Francisco and now in Kelowna. Not a single day passes without thoughts of San Francisco crossing my mind. It has dawned on me that I haven't truly let go yet; I never properly bid it farewell. This realization has led me to desire a return, to say my goodbyes, and ultimately find closure, enabling me to forge ahead with unwavering confidence.
Looking ahead, I am eagerly committed to designing meaningful rituals that facilitate the act of bidding farewell. These rituals will provide the necessary support to bring closure to various aspects of my life, allowing me to step into the neutral zone with enhanced clarity and confidence. Finally, I can embark on the new beginning, prepared to construct a fresh and fulfilling chapter.
What rituals or exercises have helped you say goodbye in the past?
Bridges, W. (2009). Ch. 1. It isn't the Changes That Do You In, Ch. 2. A Test Case. In Managing Transitions. Making the Most of Change (3rd ed., pp. 3-10, 11-20). Da Capo Press