UBC Term 1 Reflective Paper: A Journey Into Infinite Possibilities, Hope and Connection Through Coaching
Before joining the cohort I had experience with receiving coaching from managers and directors. I also had a therapist who has introduced coaching frameworks during our time together for five years. I experienced how her teachings helped me feel more at peace with challenges in my life and felt curious to learn more. I currently work in technology in a SaaS company as a Principal Product Designer. As projects became more complex at work and the need to form relationships became the focus. I became interested in learning how to form working relationships within an organization. I currently mentor junior designers and peer coach with my cohort at UBC. What matters the most to me now in the coaching journey is focusing on learning through practicing and challenging my self-belief.
During the live intensive I felt very inspired by the difference between curiosity and judgment. I learned having more curiosity would lead more possibilities.“Multiple possibilities and multiple paths to success.” (Harsch-Porter, 2023, p.83) I also noticed my impatience in going through all the possibilities during coaching sessions. I noticed how I subconsciously felt afraid of allowing myself to feel vulnerable to my client’s possibilities and where they would lead us. I asked my mentor coach for help and have since found ways to practice letting go and developing patience. I learned deep breathing exercises and creating a mantra before starting a call. These rituals helped me feel more grounded and a more open to feeling vulnerable. One of the ethical considerations that came about is the need to know and surface my boundaries when it comes to my limits as a coach. I cannot help my client with experiences that happened in the “past”. I can only help them with what’s happening now and the future.
I have been following the FACE model for the entire time since the beginning of this cohort. I use it because it’s something that helps me understand the foundations of a coaching session. I also use the phases to better understand what parts I am doing well on and what parts I am needing more help. Another coaching skill is the Experience Cube and the inside/outside language. I practice it in my regular conversations and in coaching sessions. I helps me express myself in a way that I'd like to share myself rather than describing what I see. The Experience Cube has help me better understand where a client is at, what I know and what I can ask more of. It’s also been helpful as a way to reflect back to my client if necessary.
When I started this program I said that coaching is “the process of supporting another person in their personal journeys. Including attaining goals and going through challenges. Coaching is how we empower another individual to embark on their life’s journey.” I’m learning through reflecting that coaching hasn’t been about a process or goals. Coaching is like an experience, encounter or event. During peer coaching it was an intentional time and moment where two people are laser focused into finding or discovering more about one person. Their relationship with themselves, the systems that they belong to and why life is happening to them in this particular way. It’s when one person trained with thinking tools and frameworks presents and shares them. It is a co-creating experience that invites both to share with trust and vulnerability. So, coaching to me today after a few months of learning and practicing has changed to be more of an intentional, ongoing event.
Being a curious and vulnerable witness has been one of my biggest challenges. “Witness self which helps practitioners move away from habitual problem solving” (Anderson , J.B., Campone, F. & Sellers, K, 2011, P.206). One of my recent sessions I am presented with an emotional experience. As an empathetic person I immediately felt their fears and insecurities. I felt worried and scared that I didn’t have the skill to “help” my client, that I wouldn’t have the strength to hold my client to their outcomes. I also feared that my client needed to be “saved” from their feelings. Holding onto the philosophy of being a curious and vulnerable witness I asked questions through the FACE model. My client didn’t hear my questions at first because they were feeling very activated, yet as the role of the coach I waited for an opportunity to ask again to reconfirm my client’s outcome. My client believed that I could have taken more chances to “interrupt” them, but appreciated that I stayed with the FACE model and allowed them to self-express.
In practicing this philosophy of being a curious and vulnerable witness in my working relationships. I am feeling more open and safe to ask questions. I notice how it creates a space of nonjudgement and allows the truth to settle in for us all. As a system, I noticed the team that I belong to ask more questions. As for my life, the change is exciting but I am feeling curious how much impact this can have on the larger work system I belong to.
Looking back at one of my goals, which is the gift of education and space for learning. Going through college I worked full time and went to school full time for three years. All I wanted was some space to read and not have to rush through university. I am celebrating giving myself what I needed after all these years. Grateful for my husband and mother for supporting me through this. I’m also celebrating completing all the modules and learning so much from mentor coaches. I’m also celebrating budding friendships happening in the cohort.
In the prework I said, “when I picture myself in 5 years, what I see is: a woman who knows more about herself and how to support her colleagues, family and friends.” I’ve been playing it safe by not practicing more. I also wanted to share the idea of peer coaching triangle with my manager for a while now to replace design critiques. I have felt afraid because I wasn’t sure how it could work out. But, now that I’ve experienced the support form peer coaching triangle am excited to share it with her and see what she thinks. I want to work on my assertiveness and telling the truth about my experience as I've been putting in my entire effort in design the last 16 years. I want to learn how to represent myself truthfully.
I will talk to my manager about proposing a peer coaching triangle type of module for the designers. I will also book two sessions of coaching per week over the Summer to continue to commit myself to my practice. I need to let go and end my self-talk that “I’m not doing enough and that I know nothing”. It’s been decades of feeling less than or not enough, reactions and beliefs that came from my upbringing. These beliefs that used to serve me as a protection mechanism is not a true reflection of my efforts that I put in today towards my life. I would like to work on ending this, thank it for what it has done for me, and walk into the neutral zone to discover who I'll become.
To achieve the new stretch goals, I want to from June 15 - 30, work on a plan to present to my manager. For the Summer coaching sessions, I’ve already started to book those. I’ll ensure that by June 1, I’ll have all the Summer Sessions booked for twice a week until school starts again in the fall. For the last part I want to focus on the ending part of the transition. Design an event or ritual to thank my old beliefs and say goodbye to them in a respectful way. I’ll also like to have a talk with my close friends. Ask them to tell me something they love about me. Record those and to help myself remember who I am.
Reflecting on sub-optimization (Blakey, J., & Day, I, 2012, pg. 152). If I introduce the peer coaching triangle only to the design teams, it might create a uneven connection with our horizontal teams with engineering and product. For emergence (Blakey, J., & Day, I, 2012, pg. 155), forming these sessions will impact the rest of the other horizontal teams. Even the existing design reviews are impacting the speed of the horizontal projects. For fractals (Blakey, J., & Day, I, 2012, pg. 156), how much of the isolation and disconnect behaviors in design is also happening in product and engineering? Thinking of leverage points (Blakey, J., & Day, I, 2012, pg. 157), introducing something like peer coaching triangle would create another tension point in the organization instead of releasing existing tension points. As for booking two sessions per week for coaching I can see how the coaching sessions might impact my family life again, I will need to talk to my husband and mom to arrange for planning over the Summer. In regards to fractals, how are my cohort member managing the coaching sessions and whether they feel the same as I do? Thinking of leverage points, I can see that my schooling and coaching is creating a leverage point over the Summer again and need to find a way to balance that with my family and work efforts. With regards to talking to my friends and getting their support with my self-beliefs. If my husband and mom might feel disconnected from the experience? I wonder if I show up with more self-confidence that it would change the way other designers and junior designers feel about their confidence at work too? I also wonder if design leaders at work are also experiencing the same challenge? As a woman of color in tech, doing this might create a leverage point that may need more energy and effort on my part when I do share my newfound self with others. I want to mentally prepare myself for that challenge.
I’m feeling grateful on the coaching I’ve received and given the last few months. Mentor coaches, audit coaches, PCT, live learning intensives, peer coaching, community calls, discussion boards and journal entries. I haven’t felt this supported in a while now since the pandemic started a few years ago. I want to enjoy this time back at school and this learning experience. I can’t even pick one that I like the most out of all the activities because they were all so impactful to me. I’m feeling so grateful for this supportive learning environment and excited to learn more about coaching.
Wynne Leung
Harsch-Porter, S. (2011). Chapter 9: Social constructionism .In L. Wildflower & D. Brennan (Eds.). The handbook of knowledge-based coaching. From theory to practice. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, pp. 81-88.
Short, R.R. (1998). Inquiry Lesson 2, Learning from between: Mutual inquiry.
Blakey, J. & Day, I. (2012). Challenging coaching. Going beyond traditional coaching to face the FACTS. London: Nicholas Brealey Publishing, Systems Thinking, pp. 151-177.