Generative Listening & Mutual Learning: Who am I, who are you?
1. As you prepared for, and practiced the Experience Cube, a) what did you become aware of within yourself? b) What was the impact on the conversation?
a) Feeling open to sharing my experience, didn’t feel rushed and felt heard.
b) Helped deepen the conversation and strengthened connection.
What habits did you become aware of?
Not too prone to interrupt and enjoy listening. I'm not sure if this would be the same in a challenging conversation. Wanting to help him fix the issue and felt a little uncomfortable in the unknown.
What was your level of emotional intensity? How did the Experience Cube assist? What other strategies helped, especially with any difficult emotions you may been experiencing?
I empathized deeply with my partner and noticed the quadrant imbalance. His 'wants' were least populated in the Experience Cube. Using 'you' helped me create a boundary. Deep breathing helped me focus on listening, not solving.
What was different about this conversation from past conversations with this person?
Through our conversation, I gained a deeper understanding of my partner's perspective. I realized that my assumptions were unfounded and that I needed to be more open-minded, "in order to learn from experience, people have to recognize that "my truth" is not "the truth"; that what I think, feel and want is only valid for me" (Busche, 2009, p. 20). I also learned that he can hold on to uncomfortable experiences without feeling the need to change them. Actively listening without interrupting allowed me to learn more about my partner.
2. Consider the Fundamental Proficiency of "Generative Listening" in FACE. What are two skills/ capacities you want to practice more? Why are these important to you?
Practice my inside language. This is important because I want to learn more about myself, others and the situation, “the focus from outside-in does not lead to learning, it tends to create defensiveness, helplessness and resentment.” (Short, R.R, 1998, p. 69). I also want practice describing myself rather than just making a statement about what I believe or think.
How might your growing confidence in using these skills support your clients?
I hope this approach helps clients communicate better. Being open is key. If I model openness, clients may feel more comfortable sharing their feelings.
How do these skills and capacities connect to what you learned in practicing the Experience Cube?
Describe my experience from the inside-out in the Experience Cube. I'll check myself to make sure I'm using inside words.
What is one new commitment you will bring to your next coaching conversation?
That when I hear my clients use outside words like “there’s nothing in this town for me”, I can ask them questions such as “How does that (nothing in this town) make you feel?” to encourage deeper exploration of their feelings, wants and observations.
3. What are the four (or more) questions you developed (as required in your Activity Practice instructions) to use in the Explore phase of FACE?
Why is co-creating important to you in person?
Why is it important to live where you work?
Why do you believe that there are not a lot of opportunities and why does it matter?
You mentioned this word _______ three times, how come?
How could your "Explore" questions serve a client?
I hope that it will cultivate more self-awareness, and that it will help him know more about his responsibility in the situation.
How does the concept "coach the client, not the problem" connect to the Explore phase of FACE?
The Experience Cube is a valuable tool for the Explore phase of FACE. It helps me gain deeper insights into my client's current situation, their feelings, thoughts, observations, and wants. Using it, I can focus on the client without personal assumptions and identify areas where I need to reflect further with them.
Where else in FACE could you would apply your learning from this module?
I want to apply this learning to the Foundation of FACE. I plan to practice the top two skills in my interactions and journal reflections, particularly the outside language and inside language because it can empower me to "be a creator instead of a passive victim." (Short, R.R, 1998, p. 71).
4. From an EDI lens, what questions are surfacing for you about the work in this Module?
I'm curious about how different cultures express their thoughts, feelings, wants, and observations. It's important to recognize that there may be gaps in my knowledge if my client comes from a different cultural background. To avoid assumptions, I'll ask more questions and strive to understand my clients better, particularly if they're from an unfamiliar culture.
How have you used the Experience Cube in coaching sessions? What has worked and what hasn’t in your coaching sessions?
Bushe, G. (2009). Learning from collective experience. A different view of organizational learning. OD Practitioner, 41(3), pp. 19-23.
Short, R.R. (1998). Inquiry Lesson 2, Learning from between: Mutual inquiry. In Learning in relationship: Foundation for Personal and Professional Success. Bellevue, WA: Learning in Action Technologies, pp. 67-77.