During this week’s peer coaching session, I intended to foster an ethical partnership by sharing various coaching models. Unfortunately, my approach inadvertently caused confusion for my peer as I focused too much on the process rather than on their individual experience with coaching. This experience became another learning experience, reminding me to prioritize taking the time to learn about my clients in the "connect" (FACE, 2022) phase of the coaching process. In this phase, I intend to ask more about their experience with coaching and engage them in collaborative discussions about the nature of coaching itself.

During our session, my partner's inquiry into my personal background and experiences felt refreshing. I noticed how it establishing greater connection and rapport in our conversation. I plan to try this approach in the "Open" phase of FACE (FACE, 2022) going forward.

Over the past few years, I have consciously incorporated ethical principles inspired by Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements, into my coaching practice, including honesty, clarity, and compassion. I intend to include these principles in my agreements with clients to further foster ethical partnerships.

“In Section IV - Responsibility to Society 25. Avoid discrimination by maintaining fairness and equality in all activities and operations, which respecting local rules and cultural practices” (ICF Code of Ethics, 2021, p.6) As outlined in the ICF Code of Ethics I recognize the importance of avoiding discrimination, maintaining fairness and equality, and respecting local rules and cultural practices. I acknowledge that merely having knowledge of other cultures is insufficient, and I aim to learn more about my clients' cultural practices and backgrounds by engaging with individuals from diverse backgrounds, visiting the library, and educating myself about different cultural norms and practices.

How have you in the past expanded your knowledge with other cultural practices and local rules? What was it like? Thank you.

---

• Full Arc Coaching Engagement (FACE): An Integrative Coaching Model. Download Full Arc Coaching Engagement (FACE): An Integrative Coaching Model. Updated 2022.  Vancouver: UBC Extended Learning.

• International Coach Federation - Code of Ethics

What new awareness or patterns are now emerging or you as a coach? What are you discovering about yourself?

I noticed that I’m feeling confused during peer coaching from the “explore” to “close” in the FACE Model. I’d love some help or strategies on how to create space for all the stages of FACE into one coaching session of 30 mins.

I heard from peers that my intuition has helped them feel more connected to the conversation. I’m curious to learn how I can use intuition more in service of my clients and coaching journey. Another feedback I heard is that folks feel my empathy in coaching calls. I’m curious to learn how it can support my coaching journey.

My day job I work as a product designer. My job is to solve complex problems with many people. I noticed how the stages of FACE overlap into product design thinking. I'm feeling excited to learn what types of models or aspects might overlap in the future for coaching as I continue to learn.

What would you like to devote more attention and focus?
I’d like to ask for help from the community to work on the space between explore and close. I will do that by connecting with mentor coaches (through inMail) and peers (discussion boards) PCT (through our WhatsApp group).

What successes are you celebrating?
Today I’m celebrating that I did three sessions of peer coaching and all booked up for March and April. Finished all the readings once, was not sure I can read all it but I did! I’m also celebrating giving myself the gift of learning, something I’ve been wanting for many years. Excited to continue this journey with everyone here.

Because I’ve been in over five years of Cognitive Therapy, I want to be aware that I’m not here to heal people and am not trained to. That my role is coach and that is to be in the service of my client and co-create with them. So, I would like to experimenting with the “GROW Model” (McGonagill, 2002, pg.77). I’ll chose a few of the questions for the next peer coaching session and use them if they make sense. The idea that “all practice begins through imitation.” (McGonagill, 2002, pg.63) also resonated with me. I notice that I feel safer when I imitate my previous life coach and therapist. I would like to use that as a base. However, I want to challenge it with different frames in “A Theory-Based Coaching Framework” (Stockton, 2020, Pg.4) especially from spaces that I often don’t explore in “systems/systemic thinking” (Stockton, 2020, Pg.4) and “solution focused” (Stockton, 2020, Pg.4). I will do this by applying pre selected questions provided in the journal in the next coaching sessions.

In reading on social constructionism I was very inspired by “focus less on what the client “wants” - and more on the processes that create the client’s understanding of “want” (Harsch-Porter, 2023, p.83). I want to try this technique in my next coaching session. Such as what do they get for the want i.e. if it’s more time for themself than for their family for instance. What is it that the client is getting from this want? Is it a feeling of relaxation and freedom? If by uncovering the feelings behind those wants that it would surface “multiple possibilities and multiple paths to success.” (Harsch-Porter, 2023, p.83) Perhaps it won’t be wanting time for themselves. It can be being with the family but in a way that achieves the feelings of freedom and relaxation. It could be taking the family to a yoga class or going for a quiet walk together.

Many of these experiments are in the “close” steps of the “FACE method” (FACE, 2022), which are areas I often miss in my coaching sessions. With regards to DEI perspective. Reading through the “Cycle of Socialization” (Harro B., 1997, Pg.45). I notice that I do “internalize my oppression”  (Harro B., 1997, Pg.45). This article made me want to stop the cycle. I will do that by taking deep breaths before my sessions and imagining my mentors standing behind me and lifting me up to put on a different mindset of being “humanized through action; not dehumanized by oppression” (Harro B., 1997, Pg.52).

In Social Constructionist “accepts that there are multiple, equally value truths operating simultaneously.”(Harsch-Porter S., 2011, Pg.82). How do we as coaches relate these truths with all the different systems also at play for our client in our coaching sessions?

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• Appendices – Full Arc Coaching Engagement (FACE): An Integrative Coaching Model. Download Appendices – Full Arc Coaching Engagement (FACE): An Integrative Coaching Model.Updated 2022.  Vancouver: UBC Extended Learning. pp. 54-69.

• Harsch-Porter, S. (2011). Chapter 9: Social constructionism. Download Chapter 9: Social constructionism.In L. Wildflower & D. Brennan (Eds.). The handbook of knowledge-based coaching. From theory to practice. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, pp. 81-88.

• McGonagill, G. (2002). Chapter 3: The coach as reflective practitioner. Download Chapter 3: The coach as reflective practitioner.In C. Fitzgerald and J.C. Berger (Eds.). Executive coaching: practices and perspectives. New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, pp. 59-85.

• Stockton, J. (2020, 2nd ed). Coaching Framework for Behaviour and Change: In Pursuit of Reflective Practice. Download Coaching Framework for Behaviour and Change: In Pursuit of Reflective Practice.  Monograph Series 2.  Vancouver: Canadian Centre for Positive Change.

• Full Arc Coaching Engagement (FACE): An Integrative Coaching Model. Download Full Arc Coaching Engagement (FACE): An Integrative Coaching Model. Updated 2022.  Vancouver: UBC Extended Learning.

• Harro, B. (1997). Chapter 6: Cycle of Socialization. Download Chapter 6: Cycle of Socialization.In Adams, M., Bell, L. A., Griffin, P. (Eds). Teaching for Diversity and Social Justice, New York: Routledge.

This weekend was the second weekend of the intensives. I feel excited as I’m accomplishing things that I never did before. I completed a coaching session in 13 minutes and got valuable insight and feedback from my peers.

I made some closer connections and friendships in this class, something that I was really hoping would happen.

Here are areas I missed in our audit call today:

• Close - how to close with actionable steps for my clients

• Topic and investment:

  • Partners with the client to define or reconfirm coaching session topic and desired outcomes

  • Invites the client to specify why their desired outcomes matter

• Awareness and Responsibility:

  • Support the client to consider systemic influences, including their role and responsibility in their circumstances, and what they can think and do differently to make progress towards their desired outcomes.

• Consolidation, Integration and Accountability

  • Invite the client to describe the progress the client has made towards desired outcome(s) for the session and/or overarching goals

  • Invites the client to consider the impact of their new learning (what and who) on themself and the system

  • Partners with the client to design clear and specific next steps such as actions and practices that integrate new learning and are within the client’s sphere and influence

  • Partners with the client to identify internal and external resources for support

  • Partners with the client to design accountability mechanisms/structures that work for the client

  • Partners with the client ot close session and address next steps in terms of the coaching partnership, such as follow-up, access to resources, continuation or end of coaching engagement, etc ;

Reflect:

What are the key lessons you’ve learned so far that will serve you and the cohort in Term 1?

• To pace myself and get organized early so that I can get the readings done on time

• Communicate, communicate and communicate! Be in relationship and speak up about something, do not suffer in silence

• Ethics - crucial to bring the code of ethics and practice it during the peer coaching sessions

• Mindfulness - how important that is for my coaching practice

• Close - the importance of action and closing

How will you leverage your reflective practice to integrate and take action on this learning?

• I will use this space to blog and journal about my experience as it’s a motivating way for me to stay engaged in this program and to reflect.

I’m feeling excited, got my Calendly page setup to take short term coaching sessions. I’m excited to see where this can go and how much I’ll grow. Really grateful for this journey of learning and my family for taking care of me.

When we think of mentorship, what do we think of?

We may think of an experienced and trusted person who provides guidance, support, and encouragement to someone who is less experienced or knowledgeable? Maybe it’s someone who can offer insights and advice based on their own experiences and can provide valuable feedback and direction to help their mentee grow and develop?

How about coaching? When think of coaching what do we think of? We may think of a more focused and structured approach to helping someone achieve specific goals? Perhaps a coach is someone who can help their client to identify and clarify their goals, develop a plan of action, and provide support and accountability to help them make progress towards those goals?

If we use a bike riding metaphor, a mentor is like someone who is teaching you how to ride a bike for the first time. They may give you advice on how to balance, steer, and brake, and help you to feel comfortable and confident on the bike. A coach, on the other hand, is someone who’s going to say: “how far?”. Someone who is riding alongside you and helping you to achieve your biking goals. They may support you in developing a training plan, create a space for co-creation and motivation with the intention to help you reach your goals. The coach’s focus is on you and how to help you achieve your goals.

Mentoring and coaching are different but both can be valuable in different situations. Mentoring is often focused on overall development and personal growth, while coaching is more focused on achieving specific goals and improving performance. Both approaches can be useful in helping individuals to reach their full potential and achieve success in their personal and professional lives.

So, which type of support are you looking for: mentoring or coaching?

Wynne

Second day of intensives, rise and shine everyone!

1. FACE Model

Today we learned how to use the FACE Model for coaching. We were able to partner up with someone and for the first time do our first coaching peer coaching session.

Source: UBC Extended Learning

2. the metaphor wheel

We also learned today about metaphors and the power of metaphors in coaching.

I had a great day today on our first day intensives. Here are my biggest takeaways:

A snapshot of folks I’ll be spending time with this year! Excited for what’s to come!

1. FOUR Levels of Listening

Did you know that there are many levels of listening? Here are four that we talked about today:

Source: UBC Extended Learning

2. LEARNING ZONES & transformation

When we’re learning we pivot between three zones. The comfort zone, the uncomfortable zone and the panic zone. Learning only takes place in the uncomfortable zone. Today we talked about how gently move into the uncomfortable zone so we can take in and learn something new. We learned about “quality failures” and what those can mean for our transformations. We also learned that transformation is a natural and ongoing process.

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Source: UBC Extended Learning

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Source: UBC Extended Learning

3. CO-CREATING AGREEMENTS

Today I also learned about co-creating agreements. What they can be and how might we create them so that we can work more in harmony.

Source: UBC Extended Learning

4. THE POWER OF REFLECTIng IN LEARNING

Today we also learned the power of reflecting in learning. We learned that doing the experience is not enough, that we learn when we are able to reflect and create meaning out of our experiences. Here’s a model that we learned today: KOLB Experiential Learning Cycle.

Source: UBC Extended Learning

5. Judgement VS. Curiosity

I learned today that it’s not possible to be both judgmental and curious at the same time. That judgement is one of our primal instincts. We learned to do that in the past to protect us from dangerous situations. It is a helpful skill. Curiosity is a newer instinct to humans. Being a coach means holding a space for curiosity for our clients and a space to understand more on their lives and journey.

Source: UBC Extended Learning

6. COGNITIVE BIASES

Learned about cognitive biases, how they are very natural and innate to us. Here are different types of biases and how we might combat them including:

• Staying curious

• Increasing our level of self-awareness

• Questioning if we are judging versus seeing the reality

Source: UBC Extended Learning

7. WE ALL LIVE IN SYSTEMS

We all live in many different types of systems, and within those systems there are also biases and powers at play with deep histories that we cannot ignore when coaching.

Source: UBC Extended Learning

Consider this quote:

Source: UBC Extended Learning

8. Equity Diversity and Inclusion, Why does it matter in Coaching?

Source: UBC Extended Learning

9. How to build our foundations: starting with the self

And that’s a wrap with Day 1 Intensive! We really did a lot of work to setup the foundation and starting with our selves. Really enjoyed today. Super excited for tomorrow.

Source: UBC Extended Learning

To love our enemy is impossible. The moment we understand our enemy, we feel compassion towards him or her, and he or she is no longer our enemy.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Understanding that abrasive, provocative behavior springs from an extremely vulnerable self-image, a hunger for affection, and an eagerness for contact, do not become angry.

• Recognize the psychological axiom that each person is always doing the best he can. Understanding that abrasive, provocative behavior springs from an extremely vulnerable self-image, a hunger for affection, and an eagerness for contact, do not become angry. Instead, initiate frequent discussion with this person.

• If by this point the abrasive person has not already been referred to a competent psychologist or psychiatrist for therapy, he should be. Nothing else will have a significant effect, and even therapy may not. Whether it does will depend on the severity of the problem and the skill of the therapist. This is not a problem that will be solved in a T-group, or a weekend encounter, or some other form of confrontation.

The Candidate

• The more exhibitionistic the person, the more a person needs approval, the less he or she can be thoughtful of others. Also pay special attention to precision in speech or manner. Clarity is a virtue, but a need for exactness indicates a need to control.

• How did he view the limits and inadequacies of others, as human imperfections or as faults? How much better does he think things could have been done? Why were they not done better? Why could he not do better? What did his bosses say about him in performance appraisals?

Source: https://hbr.org/1978/05/the-abrasive-personality

I spent a lot of time in my teens, 20’s and 30’s very rarely asking for help. I took a lot of online classes and went to school to learn new skills, but I always felt scared to stand in front of someone else and say “hey, I don’t know how to do this and I’m having a hard time. Can you please teach me?” It wasn’t until I worked at Adobe and at Kabam, where there was so much that I didn’t know at all. That I had to be “vulnerageous”. A term my therapist coined meaning vulnerability and courageous.

There were moments when I asked for help and people took time out of their day to help me. There were times when I had no response or it was a “no” or no response at all. Reflecting back, even thought it felt scary when people said no and I showed my weakness, I would still ask for help. Now I actually know how to build systems in mobile game designs, how to open up work in Unity and the science behind gamer motivations. I also now know how to build a cross-platform service from start to finish at the top SaaS companies in the world.

Today, I ask for help - all the time. I remind myself to speak about what I know and what I don't know. I teach when others ask me questions. And in return, I ask for help. Life is so hard, it's complex and as a designer there are so many new skills we need to learn. I'm excited to learn how to conduct experiments at Mailchimp. Work is ramping back up again and feeling grateful for Liz and Tamlin who are teaching me how to do that.

“let your aim be to come at truth, not to conquer your opponent. So you never shall be at a loss in losing the argument, and gaining a new discovery.”

Arthur Martine counseled in his magnificent 1866 guide to the art of conversation,

How to compose a successful critical commentary:

1. You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”

2. You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).

3. You should mention anything you have learned from your target.Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.

If only the same code of conduct could be applied to critical commentary online, particularly to the indelible inferno of comments.”

Dennett, D. C. (2014). Intuition pumps and other tools for thinking. Penguin Books.

1. Go first.

2. Be open and direct about your intent to collaborate.

3. Pay attention to responses.

4. Keep talking.

5. Forgive quickly (respond positively when others cooperate).

6. Agree ahead of time on systems for conflict resolution.

7. Conduct regular reviews and actively monitor relationships.

8. Use graduated sanctions.

9. Make a commitment to a higher ethical standard.

10. Use Interest-Based Negotiations to resolve any differences or disputes.

Tamm, J. (2019). Radical Collaboration (2nd ed.). HarperBusiness.

Sewing in my apartment, San Francisco, CA, 2016

I lived in a studio apartment in San Francisco for four years. It was right on Market Street and many years ago it used to be a theater. There were many different types of people living in the building. Some moved in and unfortunately gentrified the place like I did. Other like my neighbor lived there for over twenty years. I lived on the 22nd floor and in unit 22. It was always easy to remember - 2222.

When I moved in the building manager said, “Oh, 2222, in yoga that would mean good luck - meaning that your life is in sync now.” I thanked her and carried on.

I had a tall mirror in front of my apartment that I always looked at before I went out… To check how I looked. I would look at myself from the front and back. I was constantly feeling self-conscious about my weight.

I went to the gym twice a week so that I can be 5’7” and 125 pounds. That’s how much I weighed throughout give and take a few pounds.

In the elevator every morning I saw different people coming up and down the 30 story building. One day I bumped into my neighbor he always said good morning so I made sure to say it first this time, “good morning”.

“Good morning, Wynne! You look so nice.” He said

“Thank you sir, good morning,” I replied.

“You know, you always look so nice. So perfect. You always look so perfect.” He said.

I didn’t know what to say to him. And that that moment I didn’t know how or what to feel. I didn’t know how to tell him that I ate the same meals for three years almost every night in my little studio apartment: a cup of kale, two eggs, two sausages and multigrain bread. How I felt scared to gain weight. How “perfect” I wanted to look on the outside.

So I didn’t say anything. I took my perfect looking self out of the elevator and continued on. So for four years I worked really hard to look beautiful and perfect on the outside.

Sometimes I had to appear perfect to protect the person that I have living inside. That’s alright, I did what I had to do to survive the years living alone in a city where I knew only a few people.

It’s alright, it’s alright.

我在舊金山的一室公寓裡住了四年。它就在市場街上，多年前它曾經是一個劇院。大樓裡住著許多不同類型的人。有些人搬進來，不幸的是像我一樣把這個地方高檔化了。其他像我的鄰居在那裡住了二十多年。我住在 22 樓和 22 單元。它總是很容易記住 - 2222。

當我搬進來時，大樓經理說：“哦，2222，在瑜伽中這意味著好運——這意味著你的生活現在是同步的。”我感謝她並繼續。

我的公寓前有一面高大的鏡子，出門前我總是看它……檢查我的樣子。我會從正面和背面看自己。我一直對自己的體重感到不自在。

我每週去健身房兩次，這樣我就可以達到 5 英尺 7 英寸和 125 磅的體重。這就是我在整個給予和接受幾磅的過程中的重量。

每天早上在電梯裡，我都會看到不同的人在30層樓的大樓裡來來往往。有一天我碰到我的鄰居，他總是說早上好，所以這次我一定要先說“早上好”。

“早上好，溫妮！你真好看。”他說

“謝謝先生，早上好，”我回答道。

“你知道，你總是那麼好看。非常完美。你看起來總是那麼完美。”他說。

我不知道該對他說什麼。那一刻我不知道該有什麼感覺。我不知道如何告訴他三年來我幾乎每天晚上都在我的小單間公寓裡吃同樣的飯菜：一杯羽衣甘藍、兩個雞蛋、兩條香腸和雜糧麵包。我是多麼害怕體重增加。我想從外面看是多麼“完美”。

所以我什麼都沒說。我帶著完美的自我走出電梯，繼續前行。所以四年來，我真的很努力地工作，以便在外面看起來美麗而完美。

有時我不得不表現得完美無缺，以保護我內心深處的人。沒關係，我做了我必須做的事情，才能在一個我只認識幾個人的城市裡獨自生活多年。

沒關係，沒關係。

2021 Was a lot about reflection on my past, I think a lot of us spent a lot of time going inwards. I know I did. I did that through painting, drawing and writing. I got a lot of time to think about what mattered to me. A job, career, money, family, things, leisure time. I thought a lot and felt a lot.

What was my most stunning revelation is truly knowing the sacrifices that my family and relatives did to give me - the life that I have right now. Truly knowing and replaying the love that they gave to us. It makes me feel silly, not knowing it for so long...

I visited my family after two years in this pandemic in Toronto and it’s like nothing changed. No years have gone by and the love is just as strong as ever. Every conversation just tied into the last one, no grudges, no negativity - just encouragement, positive words and support. I don’t know how they managed to do that given how challenging life must have been.

I see my Uncle and Aunt move from a big house to a small apartment to take care of their parents. I have seen them take care of people their whole lives and I don’t know how I can make the same sacrifice. Talking to my cousins, it looks like a lot of us are now needing to take care of our parents too. To continue to make that sacrifice.

But me, I feel like I have sacrificed my whole life - how does one continue to do that? Where, do I find the courage to make that sacrifice. Every time I made a life decision for my family. Moving from a rental to another, moving across to Kelowna to work, then to Seattle, San Francisco and then now back to Canada. Every decision feels so heavy… I have had to make these decisions my whole life and I just wished everytime that there was more of a guarantee. But, there wasn’t. I just had to keep running and going. I’m tired of running. I’m tired of trying to jump. Every challenge for me just felt like leaping from one side to another.

Now that I’m also 40, and it seems like this never truly ends. Now, thinking of moving back to Toronto. It’s no wonder that I’m terrified and don’t want do it. I’m scared to lose everything that I hastily put together with my two little hands. Scared for everything that I worked so hard for to come tumbling down. Who will catch my fall?

2021 年有很多關於我過去的反思，我想我們很多人都花了很多時間思考。我知道我做到了。我通過繪畫、素描和寫作做到了這一點。我有很多時間思考對我來說重要的事情。工作、事業、金錢、家庭、事物、閒暇時間。我想了很多，也感受到了很多。

我最驚人的啟示是真正了解我的家人和親戚為我所做的犧牲——我現在擁有的生活。真正了解並重播他們給我們的愛。弄得我傻了，好久不知道了……

在多倫多大流行兩年後，我拜訪了我的家人，一切都沒有改變。歲月流逝，愛依舊如初。每一次談話都與最後一次聯繫在一起，沒有怨恨，沒有消極——只有鼓勵、積極的話語和支持。鑑於生活一定充滿挑戰，我不知道他們是如何做到這一點的。

我看到我的叔叔和阿姨從一個大房子搬到一個小公寓來照顧他們的父母。我看到他們一生都在照顧人們，我不知道我該如何做出同樣的犧牲。和我的表兄弟說，我們很多人現在也需要照顧我們的父母。繼續做出這種犧牲。

但是我，我覺得我已經犧牲了我的整個生命——一個人如何繼續這樣做？我在哪裡找到做出這種犧牲的勇氣。每次我為家人做出人生決定。從租房搬到另一個，搬到基洛納工作，然後到西雅圖、舊金山，然後現在回到加拿大。每一個決定都感覺如此沉重......我一生都不得不做出這些決定，我只是希望每次都有更多的保證。但是，沒有。我只需要繼續奔跑和前進。我厭倦了跑步。我厭倦了嘗試跳躍。對我來說，每一次挑戰都像是從一側跳到另一側。

現在我也 40 歲了，這似乎永遠不會真正結束。現在，考慮搬回多倫多。難怪我害怕而且不想這樣做。我害怕失去我用兩隻小手匆忙拼湊的一切。害怕我努力工作的一切都倒塌了。誰來接我的墜落？

I’ve been reading the book Radical Collaboration and learned today about the different “zones” we choose to be in. I must say that as much as I desire to be in the green zone that’s what I aspire to be. But in reality I think I’m more in all of the zones at different times. The green zone is where I hope to strive to be, most of the time. Here are the different zones to explore:

我一直在閱讀 Radical Collaboration 這本書，今天了解了我們選擇進入的不同“區域”。我必須說，儘管我希望進入綠色區域，這正是我渴望成為的。但實際上，我認為我在不同時間更多地處於所有區域。大多數時候，綠色區域是我希望努力的地方。以下是要探索的不同區域：

A person in the green zone

• Takes responsibility for the circumstances of his or her life

• Seeks to respond non-defensively

• Is not easily threatened psychologically

• Attempts to build mutual success

• Seeks solution rather than blame

• Uses persuasion rather than force

• Can be firm, but not rigid, about his or her interests

• Thinks both short tern and long term

• Is interested in other points of view

• Welcomes feedback

• Sees conflict as a natural part of the human condition

• Talks calmly and directly about difficult issues

• Accepts responsibility for the consequences of his or her actions

• Continuously seeks deeper levels of understanding

• Communicates a caring attitude

• Seeks excellence rather than victory

• Listens well

A person in the Red Zone

• Blames others for the circumstances of his or her life

• Feels threatened and wronged

• Responds defensively

• Triggers defensiveness in others

• Is rigid, reactive and righteous

• Uses shame, blame and accusations

• Is unaware of the climate of antagonism he or she creates

• Has low awareness of blind spots

• Doesn’t seek or value feedback

• Sees others as problem or enemy

• Sees conflict as a battle and seeks to win at any cost

• Doesn’t let go or forgive

• Communicates high levels of disapproval and contempt

• Focuses on short-term advantages and gain

• Feels victimized by different points of view

• Is black/white, right/wrong thinking

• Doesn’t listen effectively

A person in the pink zone

• Sees conflict as a battle and seeks to avoid it at any cost

• Blames others for the circumstances of his or her life

• Feels threatened and wronged

• Responds defensively

• Triggers frustration and anxiety in others

• Is passively rigid, reactive, and righteous

• Uses behind-the-scenes shaming, blaming and accusations

• Is unaware of the climate of frustration and confusion he or she creates

• Has low awareness of blind spots

• Is fearful of seeking feedback

• Sees others as the problem or enemy

• Can be superficially nice but doesn’t let go or forgive

• Hides their disapproval and contempt

• Focuses on short-term stress reduction and avoidance of conflict

• Feels victimized and underappreciated a lot of the time

• Can be very wishy-washy in expressing their point of view

• Doesn’t listen effectively

One of my goals this last year is to introduce more user experience design processes to the team. So, this past year I’ve been applying variations of the design thinking processes to a free to play gaming team. The intention is to include all team members into the design thinking process. Learning how to connect solutions to problems.

After year and a half, three features later here are some techniques that have worked for us:

1.Plant the Seed for Collaboration - Condensed Two Hour Design Thinking Workshop

Introduced a short version of a design thinking workshop with the intention of creating structured collaboration. Link to original Google Design Sprint.

• Session 1 - What is the problem we’re trying to solve?

  • 60 minutes

  • 5-6 participants from different disciplines

  • Problem Prompt/Task

  • Lightning Talks (15 mins)

    • Research team - 3 mins talk about the problem space

    • Game Design team - 3 mins talk about the problem space

    • UX team - 3 mins talk about the problem space

  • How Might We? (30 mins)

    • Get all team members to list out “how might we?” problems - 5 mins

    • Vote up on problems together - 5 mins

    • Open discussion - 20 mins

• Session 2 - Sketch and vote

  • 60 minutes

  • Same participants as first session

  • Crazy 8’s (8 mins)

    • Give each participant a “how might we” to sketch solutions for

  • Share (10 mins)

    • Give each participant two minutes to share their ideas

  • Upvote (5 mins)

    • Each participant votes on three ideas they feel solves the problem best

  Engineering and design connected on design constraints and surfaced new ideas.

2. broaden problem space: Lightning Talks

Invited representatives from different disciplinary team to come forward to share 3-5 minutes of insights on the problem space. This gives all participants in the workshop a broader way to understand the problem. More space and time to focus on discussion common problems and more time to come up with solutions.

3. structure design feedback: curiosity before feedback

Something that has been working well during feedback sessions is giving space to ask questions. Often when we are in review sessions someone will show a design and then ask for feedback. We need to give space to ask clarifying questions before giving feedback so that the feedback that we give empowers the designer to reflect on their work and in turn evaluate the feedback.

4. Design patterns

Creating a cloud document that has all the design patterns helped us ship and create quick features. A designer on our team, Hernaldo created one for us. This was a bit more challenging to maintain given the speed of the project, but having one space for all the design assets made all other UX designer’s work faster.

5. VISUAL Sitemap

Something that I tried to do this year is to identify all the routes going in and out of different areas of the game. We were able to use it to gauge any dead-ends, game loops and evaluate funnels.

Today, the team now is much more focused on creating smaller prototypes using the existing design patterns. We’re learning more about our design solutions and continue to work with research to test our hypothesis. About 20 - 30 participants have engaged in a workshop from IC level to Director level. It created a space for open discussion on problems and to build stronger relationships.

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Notes from Coursera course: https://www.coursera.org/learn/emotional-intelligence-leadership/home/welcome

Our family ins’t like any other family. Probably just like every other family out there we don’t fit into a poster book of what a family is supposed to look like.

Coming back to Canada I had this idea of what I thought a family is supposed to be like from the movies. Everyone has dinner together every night. We go to the beach on the weekends and spend time together. Cam and I are used to having dinner together in San Francisco. It was a time we came together to recap on our days, vent and talk about whatever’s on our minds.

I thought that it would be the same now that we lived with my mom. For two years now we’ve struggled as a family to have any meaningful conversation over dinner.

My mom doesn’t speak English very well and Cam well he doesn’t speak Chinese. So, during dinner all I do is translate, try to talk about things that we can all talk about and eat as fast as possible. It wasn’t exactly my idea of a time to decompress. Usually I would leave dinner feeling drained, not really full and just waiting for it to be over.

We had a family talk the other day and learned that my mother’s been eating mostly alone the past seven years while I was away. She was also at work and having to eat quickly. This idea of sitting down, talking and discussing how something tastes is so foreign to her. She doesn’t know how to talk and eat at the same time. Flustered my mother would repeat, “why do we have to talk? Why can’t we just eat?” I too, was eating a lot alone in San Francisco but never really had this challenge. I think she’s been doing it for far longer than I have.

So recently we decided to just do something different. Cam and I would go and make dinner first and eat, and then my mother would go and make dinner and eat. It wouldn’t exactly be how a picture book looks like, but it is what makes us all feel the most comfortable, safe and connected. Connected that we are giving each other what we need right now. Space and time to eat comfortably in the way that makes us feel the most comfortable.

Chinese workers on the Canadian Pacific Railway
(Image D-07548 courtesy of the Royal BC Museum and Archives)

Over the course of construction and by the end of 1882, of the 9,000 railway workers, 6,500 were Chinese Canadians. They were employed to build the B.C. segment of the railway through the most challenging and dangerous terrain.

Growing up in a small town in Ontario I was one of the few Asian people in my elementary school. At the time to be honest I didn’t feel any different from my friends nor do I remember them treating me any differently.

At home I had a supportive community. Our family had dinners with our cousins and like a big family it was as if I had a dozen siblings.

My mother, worked two jobs one in the morning and one at night so that she can support us.

We grew up in a basement and my mother and I didn’t have our own home until I was fourteen. We took care of each other within our community of relatives. Always making sure that the children were kept busy and constantly learning.

Even though we were poor growing up my mother always invested in my education. I was consistently enrolled in Chinese, Mandarin, gymnastics, swimming and art classes. Our weekends were always about spending time with our relatives, going to Chinese school and math school. It was imperative that we knew how to write and speak Chinese. We were taught to carry our culture forward with us. Summertime when I noticed our friends were going on holidays, we were going to Chinese immersion summer school where we can learn more Chinese in different subjects and connect with our extended community.

During the day I went to a French immersion school, which was very difficult for me at first because I had to learn English as well. But somehow through tutoring and the help of my cousins I learned to speak and write: English, French and Chinese.

This entire time my mother continued to work her minimum wage job day and night to support us. Life was about sacrifice. She wanted a better future for us.

As you can see, our life was surrounded by our own community and how important that was for us to feel supported.

My family consisted of a group of very hard working and sacrificing elders. We worked hard and our children did too. We understand and taste the understanding of sacrifice. We spent every holiday together and helped each other out whenever we can.

I hope that people can understand how special and unique our culture is. We may not speak up as much but we are human beings too. We are an incredibly hard-working, self-sacrificing and educated. We also, helped build the railway that Canadian Pacific Railway which you can read about here. But there again was an incredible sacrifice. We then not only built the Railway, but we found ways to build community in Canada even through the injustice of immigration against Canadian Chinese. We found a way to stay together because of our community.

Through this really challenging time. I urge you to reach out to friends and family who are Asian. Ask them how they’re doing. Let them know that you support them. Visit local businesses and support an Asian business. Help them feel safe in their community after this terrorizing incident in Georgia. See something, say something.

Speak up and do not remain silent.