The Orient Express
Painting allows me to viscerally practice trusting my intuition. I lead with intuition for this painting. She picked the reference picture on Pinterest. She said to paint her shirt white and that she'll have blue jeans. So I did that. But, the colors when I saw them on the canvas felt too simple, so I painted over it and tried my colors. My colors looked worse. The colors muddied her wardrobe... I tried again but it just got out of hand.
Too often I lean outwards for intuition, but I have to remind myself gently that it's often on the inside. I just need to get quiet, let go and connect with my intuition.
This time, it felt harder coming back into my intuition because I can feel the fear of trusting her. I felt afraid that she would let me down.
I was being so hard on myself.
The awareness of fear is new. This experience is an chance to evaluate my definition of "trust".
The word "trust" used to mean trusting until the person or event let me down. I realize after saying that out loud; that it's impossible for anyone to never let me down. Like my therapist says, even if the person never disappoints - that person will die one day.
I grabbed the basket filled with tubes of paints and poured them onto the table, "Okay Wyns, let's do this with the most fun possible! On the count of three, paint all the colors that you see. Just paint the colors that you see."
The background that I've been struggling with and repainted three times finally revealed itself as a city skyline with a beautiful river. I was also able to find all the right colors through this experience for the rest of the painting.
Even though I may not always understand the road my intuition takes, I'm willing to love and trust her, unconditionally.
Love and grace,