Habits, hopes and thoughts

I'm starting to enjoy the daily habits. I have a few of them. For example, I eat the same dinner pretty much everynight if I'm home; it's kale, two eggs, two pieces of bread, one piece of cheese, a cup of tea, and then right before bed I'll have another small meal. These habits are almost meditative. I also do yoga, give thanks, pray and meditate before bed. These are important to me.

I'm starting to believe that I hope that the time that I have here; I spend it loving and being here for the people that I get to spend time with.

I also hope that I spend the time to have practiced to discover what's inside. I think that's what I love most about being an artist so far. The surprises (all of them). The nights when I actually create something and surprise myself. Like tonight, I discovered painting with a small brush; how that allows me to practice painting slow and it actually made painting with the large brush later on much smoother. I wouldn't have known that if I didn't actually practice. I don't, well I'm trying to like the nights that terrify me. The nights when I feel so alone; yet so afraid to leave because I don't want to leave myself. I know that I just need to stay and see what happens. On those nights I end up staying up in my bed, knitting and watching re-runs of Ellen to try to get the energies back into equilibrium. 

I've been meditating and seeing my life coach / therapist Megan Lipsett and both together; has helped me practice coming back to myself and being in the present moment. To pay attention to the thoughts that come and to thank them for being there; however it's the feelings that I'd like to cuddle next to. 

Tonight, I made progress on a new painting; "Passengers"; I noticed how I'm really enjoying the pattern making. I also noticed a projected thought of creating a series of these; and with the large canvas on its' way (I ordered a humongous one); I was imagining painting one hundred passengers on that canvas. I had to thank that thought as I'd like to take it one day at a time. Though, the thought of that makes me happy because I'd like to see all the passengers together on one painting. To know that we're all in this together. This ride towards where we're all going to.

Time for meditation :) Goodnight!